Where is Your Focus on Your Relationship?

Many people enter relationships with the intention of changing their partner, rather than choosing to change themselves. These individuals tend to focus on the negatives rather than the positives of their relationships.

What You Focus On Will Increase

If you and your partner focus on the negative, the negative will continue. Like a boomerang, whatever you put your energy into is the very thing that comes back to you. If you put your energy into compassion, acceptance of differences, and giving rather than receiving, you will increase your chances of having a successful relationship.

How Well You Communicate Is Key

Many couples engage in what is called “Right Fighting” when attempting to communicate their thoughts on serious matters. In Right Fighting, no one wins – both lose because the focus is on winning (I'm right and you're wrong) and not on resolving the real issue. Too many couples accuse and blame each other, make demands and commands of each other, drill each other with 1,001 questions, and make their own agenda into a WE agenda, rather that take full responsibility for their thoughts, feelings, and actions. To blame the other individual means we don't have to take any responsibility in the matter.

Are You Living a Conscious Marriage?

It is critical for a healthy relationship to let go of illusions you might have about your partner and begin to see them for who they are, not for who you want them to be. Honor and celebrate your needs and desires is equally important when developing a relationship that is successful. Instead of asking a myriad of questions, state you intentions; let your thinking, needs or wants, along with your feelings, be known. Don't mask them behind innuendo and questions. Value your partner's needs and wishes as highly as you do your own. Recognize and work on the negative traits of your personality.

I Didn't Promise You a Rose Garden

Be careful not to project negativity onto your partner; own your issues and work on them. Respect your partner's strengths and be patient with them in those areas they are lacking. Accept the variables in a marriage by acknowledging the reality that you must cultivate your relationship in order for it to grow. Remember, relationships require your attention on a daily basis. Check in with your partner every so often and see how things are working for each of you. Put out the small fires before they get out of hand!

When The Honeymoon Ends ...

Examining the criticisms you have of your partner is an excellent way for you to examine the truths about yourself. To be better connected with your partner, it is important for each of you to understand your partner's inner world and discover what makes them the person they are. Be open to what each other has to say; take a personal interest in your partner's hopes and dreams; listen attentively for the facts and feelings in your discussions; be open to new ways of thinking and doing, stop refusing to accept differences. These changes will enhance your relationship well beyond the honeymoon period.