What we believe, we become! For me, there’s no simpler truth. We can either be trapped by our belief or liberated by it; we can either stagnate or move forward by what we think. I want to share with you a quip I recently read that illustrates my point.

There once was a man (don’t you just love the beginning?), who was seeking a clairvoyant to give him a reading of his future. Upon finding one, she told him, “I see many things about your future.” Excitedly, he asks, “Oh? Tell me what it looks like.” “Well,” she says, “I see you as a poor and unhappy man up until the age of forty-five.” Feeling defeated, he dares himself to ask her, “What happens when I reach forty-five?” “You get used to it,” she says.

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” -- Leo Tolstoy, Novelist

The greatest challenge in changing one’s self is changing one’s thinking. Because our thinking supports our beliefs, to change ourselves we must challenge our beliefs. To challenge our beliefs can be the most difficult task of all. To do so may mean giving up our most treasured perceptions; it may mean abandoning a part of ourselves that has served us well in the past; it may mean taking an unpopular stance on a more conventional belief; it may mean we have to admit we were wrong; it may mean changing the way we do business; it may mean we have to change.

“The difficulty lies not so much in developing new ideas as in escaping from the old ones.” -- John Maynard Keynes, Economist

Those who desire to create meaningful change in their lives often find their greatest challenge lies at the threshold of crossing over into their desired goal. They come face-to-face with the reality of the behavior that necessitates change and fear grips them. If someone strongly believes their lot in life is to be trapped by some meaningless job, they will live their life accordingly because fear impedes them from going forward. If they challenge the fear, it will require new thinking, new resolve, new action, new risks, and eventual change. And none of these things are easy to do.

Often times I work with people who settle in their relationships. Both parties accept that things won’t change, so they settle into that belief and live their lives accordingly. Their lives are in constant upheaval, yet they have come to believe that they will experience major chaos if they challenge the status quo. Psst! Chaos isn’t always bad, folks!

“Creating disequilibrium in an unhealthy family structure can be extremely useful and appropriate if the patterns and alliances that define it are causing problems and are deeply entrenched. You have to shake it up to break it up.” --- Dr. Phil McGraw

Creating more disequilibrium in an already chaotic marriage can create a major shift that requires both parties to make meaningful changes in their lives. The change in what has become a dysfunctional equilibrium requires both parties to challenge their beliefs and change their behaviors. This undoubtedly will cause chaos in their lives. I’m not advocating for anyone to go and make meaningless chaos in their lives; but meaningful chaos, upsetting the status quo, can be life-enriching. Better than fifty percent of marriages fail today not because of the chaos in their lives, but because too many of the partners don’t work on changing the chaos that exists (i.e., creating a shift in their beliefs, thinking, and actions--which in itself can be chaotic). They become too comfortable in their beliefs; they hold onto their toxic behaviors. Believing and thinking that change is possible will move us toward new behavior; therefore, to create new behavior requires us to be creative with our thinking. We must look at the possibilities, develop a strategy, and assess outcome. John Maxwell calls this creative, possibility, strategic, and reflective thinking in his book, Thinking For A Change.

Each of these areas of thinking requires real hard work. These modes of thinking help us create a shift in our behaviors, requiring deep thought, deep soul searching, and deep ownership of our own manure. Creative thinking means stepping outside our comfort zone and exploring different options. Creative thinking can be fun. However, this is where many people stop because they tend to critique the options before seeing the possibilities that lie within them. They become frozen by the possibility of change. Possibility thinking requires a deeper inspection of the “what could be, if …”. Possibility implies probability or improbability. People are often looking for absolutes before venturing into new territory. Possibilities don’t often feel like the safe bet, yet possibilities can energize us into action; it is the stuff that dreams are built on, allowing space for inspiration and hope. Building Strategy plans puts the creativity and possibilities into action. This is where the rubber hits the road. Strategic planning requires specific considerations.

1. The plan must take a definite forward direction;
2. Identify individual strengths and weaknesses when considering who will do
   what;
3. Define expected outcomes before you move forward, but be open to
   possibilities that bring a different outcome;
4. Define the emotional, physical, and financial costs that might come with this
   new plan, preparing to find necessary supports to minimize impact;
5. Don’t abandon; reassess the plan after a trial period;
6. Tweak the plan, if necessary, for better outcome;
7. Address new areas of concern with new determination.

Addressing new areas of concern requires Assessment thinking. This is where we evaluate our personal growth, the outcome of the strategic plan. We begin to appreciate the hard work we’ve done, all the while reflectively assessing how the changes are affecting our individual lives; how the changes affect our interpersonal relationships; what new insights have we discovered; what successes have we achieved; and how might we continue to transform our lives by forward motion.

Change challenges each of us because we are forced to look at our beliefs that are supported by our thinking. Thinking creates feelings that necessitate action. We don’t want to be reactive to our feelings. Take the time to explore your beliefs more deeply, apply a more concentrated effort in your thinking, and begin to change your life in richer and more meaningful ways. Bon Apetite! to your NEW way of thinking!