In my coaching practice, one of the things I’ve learned is NOT to focus on the addiction itself. Rather, it is more important to focus on the assets of one’s life to bring about real change and growth. It is critical at this juncture to recognize my client is telling me, “I want to change.” It is most important that the “want to change” be defined. First, you must ask yourself, “Am I ready to take a holistic approach to redefining my life?” You must define in what ways you want your life to change because the addiction is only one part of it. In fact, you are most likely a highly functioning individual in most aspects of your life--running a business, working as a reliable employee, supporting a family, involved in community activities, a respected member of a church, etc. So focusing on the addiction suddenly becomes rather meaningless; focusing on what makes you successful is more important. Focusing on and implementing your assets in redirecting certain aspects of your life will miraculously lessen the intensity and need to USE.

Using a solution-focused approach allows for a broader understanding of how to move forward. In therapy, a traditional addiction therapist would look at the ebb and tide of your addiction, the flow of your thinking that supports the addiction, and perhaps the history of addiction within your family, in order to help you fix the addiction. While that is important in a therapeutic setting, it becomes less of a focus in coaching. Rather than focusing on your life once the problem (addiction) is solved, we will begin in our coaching relationship by focusing on how you will develop a more streamlined, authentic life. You will get specific, concrete, and decisive in how you want to hone your life. You will focus on what you want rather than on those things you don’t. You will not look at a specific outcome; rather, you will find yourself remaining open to the possibilities of outcome. You will feast while on the journey, rather than feast only when you reach your outcome.

Because our culture has become so “syndrome” oriented, I recently coined a phrase “The Bumper Car Syndrome.” The word syndrome separates people into categories; however, what the word doesn’t do is show how syndromes are more often the natural function of people within our society. My definition of the “Bumper Car Syndrome” is simply this: far too many people go through life as if they are riding a bumper car. They step on the pedal with little direction to where they want to go, ending up most likely going in circles. When they hit a wall or an obstruction, they simply turn the steering wheel and step on the pedal without much thought of where to go other than, “I need to get out of this situation.” And what happens shortly thereafter? They hit another wall or obstruction and repeat the same sequence of events to get out of the situation. Too often there is little thought or planning about who, where, and when: who I want to be, where I want my life to go, and when I’ll reach that destination. By using solution-focused coaching, the client begins to take a more direct approach toward living an authentic life.

By doing more of the things that work in your life, and focusing less and less on what doesn’t work, changes become a reality without the usual depressive feelings that result from dwelling on the dark side of one’s life. While it is important to acknowledge the dark side of our personality, it does little to help motivate us to move on. In fact, that is why it is important to acknowledge our dark side -– it can be the very thing that trips us up. If we don’t recognize it, we could set ourselves up for failure. Every human being has a dark side to their personality; it is part of the balance that resides in all of nature. However, if we give too much credence to our dark side, we live out of balance.

Most of us have heard the expression, “Fake it until you make it!” In coaching, I often ask my clients to act as if the change has already taken place, to begin feeling the success of living the change through small steps. Far too often, we tend to look at the bigger picture of the goal and not the parts that get us to the goal. For example, if one has to cross a wide brook, “bumper car” people may just think, “I gotta get over there;” they begin walking across only to find themself in over their heads, treading water. Rather than think about the small steps (the stepping stones, boat, or raft, etc.) that will take them to the other side, they move quickly and without thought, focused only on the goal and not the journey. Treading water actually becomes a way of life. Why? Because it has worked to keep them afloat. Is it functional? Maybe for the immediate moment, but not in the long run. Treading water is akin to addictions; while functional for the moment, they have no real solution to living one’s life authentically. In the long-term, addictions serve very little purpose.

In coaching, it is important for both the coach and client to recognize what is working and what isn’t working. The clients are the driving force behind their journey; they are the ones who come to recognize how they must get to where they are going. The coach challenges and guides them through the process of listening--defining what they are hearing, and asking pertinent questions that helps them further define their process. Many times when individuals attempt to make changes in their lives on their own, they find themselves feeling defeated when things don’t work out. They retreat back to what they know works, rather than tweak what isn’t working in the new plan. There’s a joke about a man who goes to the doctor for a chronic headache. He says to the doctor, “Every time I get out of my truck in the morning, I whack my head on the door frame and get a headache. What should I do?” The doctor says, “Stop hitting your head on the door frame.” If WHAT YOU ARE DOING ISN’T WORKING, don’t do it again. Do Something Different!!!

Don’t go it alone. Surround yourself with a good supportive team. Remember, with the help of others, we all can do extraordinary things!