We now live in a world that believes that we should be able to speak our minds-at all costs. To do anything less would limit our right to "free" speech. While the philosophy of political correctness says we must speak in a certain fashion, so not to hurt the feelings and dignity of others-politicizing the belief that there shall be no bullies among us. And many of us believe the First Amendment, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances" affords us the right to act, speak, and covet the rights of others without a conscience. Venting our outrage with public policy has, at times, become short of criminal. And still there are others who sit by and say little about those things that adversely affect their lives-not realizing that saying nothing is, in fact, saying something. There will always be these differences and the various manners in which we all express ourselves.

However, in the world of intimate relationships, venting is not the same as communicating. Great relationships are not born from the mouths of those that vent! In a time when believing "to get in touch with our feelings" constitutes a right to vent those feelings out on one's partner as a way of "communicating" is politically, constitutionally, and humanly irresponsible. If you believe it is okay to get everything off your chest, unload your feelings full barrel, and dump them out without much thought of where they land, in the name of being "open", think again.

Have you ever said something to your partner that you regretted? I know I have; more times than I wish to remember. For those of us who can admit that we have, it might have seemed appropriate at the time, given the depth of our feelings, but in hindsight we recognize our verbal vomit did little to communicate our feelings effectively. It did little for us to win our battle; it did little to influence outcome; it did little to strengthen the relationship; it did little to make us loveable. For some folks, venting has become a favorite pastime. It has, for some couples, become a sport-albeit an abusive one.

Many relationships have become destroyed because one or both partners have vented their feelings in a horrible and destructive manner. Venting out their feelings has left it nearly impossible to restore the trust and love that is essential to the very soul of every relationship. PLEASE: Think before putting mouth in gear! And if you aren't good at either the thinking or speaking part, then learn some skills to both think and speak. We must all give ourselves breathing room before stating something we might otherwise regret.

Relationships are about negotiating; negotiating is about communicating-not venting. It is critical for relationships to survive through a sense of honesty, openness, and giving, but it is more important to do that through an appropriate, constructive, and genuine manner. In fact, venting is often more than verbalizing, it can turn damn right ugly and become physical. Words followed by actions of a destructive nature create deeper emotional wounds in those on the receiving end and do little for your cause to create a loving relationship. In fact, you most likely lost a great deal of credibility with your partner when using this tactic to communicate your feelings. And let me assure you, this kind of behavior is not relegated only to the male species-women have destroyed many relationships by unleashing their furor in an inappropriate manner.

With the many pressures couples are faced with today, learning the critical aspects of appropriately expressing their feelings is paramount to retaining the viability of any relationship. And there is some great wisdom in not sweating the small stuff; learn to pick your battles and execute them with a sense of direction rather than with dereliction.

Relationship Coaching can be an effective manner in which to learn and execute the skills needed in a healthy, viable relationship. Also available through my services is the DiSC personality assessment that will enable you to have a deeper (and more accurate) picture of you and your partner's personality to better facilitate more effective communication by better appreciating each other's idiosyncrasies.

I sit in the puddle of my own failings as I ponder the many miles we've traveled in our relationship and wonder why you still love me;

My prayer each day asks the good Lord to help me to love you for the person you are, not the person I think you should be;

I ask the heavenly host of angels to guide my love for you in a way that shows you how much I cherish you, today and always;

My strongest desire is to know you more intimately and find fulfillment in our moments together; you are more beloved to me each day than my words can proclaim or my actions reveal;

I ask you to be patient with me, to be indulgent with my failings; admonish me when I need it, but ever so lovingly as only you can do;

Look at my intentions rather than my failures; know that I struggle with a human condition called weakness, but let the strength of our union keep us ever together;

May we grow old together knowing that as we continue to walk the road of pot holes, turns and twists, hills and valleys, rough and smooth, our love will grow stronger because of it;

Let us sit watching the sunset of our relationship in our golden years, rejoicing in the fact that we took the time to cherish the sanctity of our union even when we thought it might not last;

May I never forget that our yesterdays, today, and tomorrows were destined and not a coincidence; and in that knowledge may all my actions show you how much it is, O My Darling, You I Will Cherish Today and Always!

Ron Shepard, Relationship/Parenting Coach

Testimonial:

I have been working with my coach Ron Shepard for over a year on the five major areas of my life - on issues around my personal relationship, family matters, educational pursuits, career goals and addiction. Before coming to see Ron my life was completely unmanageable. I had hit a spiritual and emotional bottom. Ron provided a non-judgmental environment and a vision of change. He suggested ways of changing what needed to be changed and stressed what is good in my life. Ron has been very effective in helping me get my life back on track and moving toward a brighter future. -- T.B.

With the advent of the Internet, sexual addiction has risen in great numbers due to unlimited access to porn on the Internet. This increase in sexual addiction in men has caused many to lose their wife/partners, their children, their jobs, and their status in the community. Local bars with access to "exotic" dancers increases voyerism and other sexual deviancies. Television porn has also risen in popularity, which increases the odds of sexual addiction. Like any addiction, their is a connection between use and abuse--the need for a fix.

Combining Life Coaching with conventional Sexual Addiction Therapy is a very effective mode for personal growth. Many men have significantly benefited through this process. Developing life goals along with addressing their sexual issues, men have enhanced their personal lives, relationships, and sexual health.

I will now be offering a group process is for men who have the desire to:

• live a healthier sexual life
• enhance their intimate relationship
• create a new and enhanced life
• find enjoyment and fulfillment in their sexual expressions
• find out they are more than their sexuality
• awaken a dormant spirituality
• change their behavior between use and abuse

This interactive group will meet Saturday mornings from 9:00 am to 11:00 am. Film, Personal Development Plans, Workbook Exercises, and Group Discussions will be the order of the day. A FREE confidential evaluation and consultation will be provided. Contact me for further information about this group. Insurance is not accepted; an affordable fee applies.

NOTE: Sexual addiction has nothing to do with one's sexual orientation.